Just got back into town from a short vacation. Started writing two (three?) looong posts while I was gone, but abandoned all of them because...well, because I lost interest in my own thoughts (or the directions they were trending).
So rather than that...or writing an apology post to Ukraine on behalf of my country (which is what I've really wanted to do the last couple/few days)...I've decided to try something different.
From time to time, I get notifications of various reddit posts in my email box. I don't know why...I don't post or respond on reddit (I don't think I have a reddit account), and I don't even spend time there, and the notifications are on a variety of subjects. Probably I accidentally signed up for some mailing list or other, once upon a time...who knows? Anyway, occasionally, the subject line piques my interest and I'll check it out and even bother to read the comments. Generally a complete waste of my time, but then again, so is playing Tetris or any other stupid game app on my phone.
SO, since I've been so lax about posting lately, I am going to do something silly to fill space. I am going to pretend this most recent Reddit poster wrote to ME, specifically...as if I was some sort of Dear Abby for people seeking DM advice. I'm not going to post this on reddit (as I said, I don't do that anyway), so chances are the original poster will never get my answer. But perhaps this will prove an amusing exercise for me.
Besides, I'm still kind of on "vacation time."
; )
Okay, here goes:
Dear JB:So I run a pretty relaxed Homebrew , and we've recently had a new player who demands he should be able to cast spells in his wild shapes form, and thinks he should be able to turn into any creature, monster, beast... and I've been been really polite about it . Saying things like " That's just too broken. You gotta be balanced some how." Etc... and I don't necessarily wanna kick him from the campaign because he brings a fun energy every week. But I don't know how to get it through his head it's not gonna happen.I'm Struggling
Hey Struggling:
Mm. While it would be easy to simply point out that the new player is an asshole and your gaming table would be better off without him, the fact is that there are TWO assholes in the situation you describe...and the other one is YOU.
There is no reason to be polite to this individual or humor him or attempt to reason with him. That you waste your group's time engaging with this disruptive behavior shows that what you're really struggling with is taking the reins of your own authority. YOU ARE THE DUNGEON MASTER. Do you not understand what this means? Do you not understand your own role and responsibility to the game you're running?
If you invited a player over to your home for a table game like, say, Monopoly and he insisted on re-rolling his dice, or giving himself an extra $200 out of the bank every time he made it past the Free Parking corner, or any other type of action that isn't part of the rules of the game, what would be your reaction? What would be the reaction of the other players at the table who had been playing by the rules? Would you tolerate this just because the d-bag brings "a fun energy?" If you invited him to play poker and he wanted to discard and draw multiple times because he didn't like the first set of cards he received, would you stand for that because he's "fun?"
As the Dungeon Master, you are responsible for being the arbiter of the game rules (whether those rules are RAW or "homebrew"). That's the job. And it's an important one! Because without rules, the game ceases to be a game, and becomes just a conversation of "let's pretend" around the table. That might be an enjoyable activity for some folks, but it's NOT Dungeons & Dragons.
So, Struggling, it's time you decide what exactly you plan on doing with your game night. If you're there to play a game, you need to buck up and lay down the law for this asshole. Stop being a wuss...it's not fair to your other players, it's not fair to your game, and it's not fair to you. Hell, it's not even fair to the new guy, who you are enabling and teaching that it's okay for him to wheedle and manipulate.
Do everyone a favor, Struggling, and grow the hell up.
Sincerely,
JB
I don't think that you've got anything to apologise for as I'm certain that you didn't vote for him. Keep the heid doon, figure out whether you want to stay and make appropriate plans.
ReplyDeleteRight now, my plan is to get my kids through school. I am in the fortunate position that this should be possible.
DeleteYou know, I write answers like this and now no one wants to talk to me. You write answers like this and you risk getting praise from people like me.
ReplyDelete"... but I let him take $400 when he passes GO because he brings a fun energy to the table every week."
Wow. I don't think I was ever this naive.
Hm. I can't actually remember ever having to deal with a player like that. Mainly because I've always run my games with (more-or-less) an iron fist. I *have* had players who did physical violence to me (once)...and, in retrospect, rightly so...but the game was always mine.
Delete"Never give an inch." "Firm but fair." "Do your best." I could probably thing of a dozen more mottos or slogans of ultimately helpful wisdom, but such things are often turned to the bad simply by changing the context. "Meet your players halfway," for example is TERRIBLE advice, if you're talking about arbitrating rules...though it certainly applies (and applies well) in other areas of life.
Praise from people like you is always appreciated, Alexis. We'll see how long till people stop wanting to talk to me.
It's nice to know where you're standing in regard to Ukraine, but frankly, I don't think your apology changes anything for us.
ReplyDelete(sigh) this probably seems antagonistic to you personally, and I don't intend it that way. It's just... watching all that happens from Kharkiv, I am simply unable to understand what happened to America. It is like some fever nightmare, grimdark dystopia came true.
It doesn't sound antagonistic at all. It's all well and good for me to send 'hopes, prayers, and positive vibes' from where I'm sitting, comfortably, thousands of miles from the war zone...but I'm sure munitions would be much more appreciated.
DeleteThe U.S. is currently in a fugue state caused by...I don't know what. Too many TV channels. Too much TikTok. Too little self-reflection or thoughtfulness. Something. 21% of American adults are FUNCTIONALLY ILLITERATE. Is there any surprise that ignorance is rampant in this country?
I was just visiting my 78 year old father in California this last weekend. Like myself, he is a lifelong Democrat. He is now a Trump supporter. He has so much ANGER, so much BILE for the Democratic party. He has bought all the Trump talking points about how the Dems have destroyed this country. He blames them for the economy the rise in prices, and the way they are harming the poor (my father is not poor, just by the way).
In the end, after a few minutes of polite discussion, I managed to suss out that he is mainly concerned about the spiking price of gasoline. He seemed to have no idea how this was directly tied to Russia's invasion of the Ukraine.
My father is ex-Navy. He's one of those guys who wears the camo jerseys to sporting events and stands up proudly when our military veterans are honored. He has no idea of the crumbling NATO situation in Europe. Hell, he has no idea that the Trump administration just fired more than 1,000 VA employees on Friday...he blames the Democrats for not taking care of veterans.
He's fucking ignorant as hell. He plays golf daily in his country club and bitches about the price of gas. It is a sad fucking thing to see your own father go down the tubes. And he's a pretty smart, pretty compassionate individual. He just has his head up his ass about what's going on...like a lot of people in my country.
What's happened to the US? Success. Apathy. Small-mindedness. Reaganomics. Pride. All sorts of shit. Clinton got a blowjob from an intern in the Oval Office and the Republicans have been crying "corruption!" ever since. People bitch about death of local businesses yet continue to buy their stuff from Walmart. People bitch about climate catastrophes but refuse to change their lifestyles. It's the same old, same old.
Ignorance. Self-interest. "Not my problem." Human inertia. The usual culprits.