"Dear JB" Mailbag #42

Dear JB:

I have been DMing for a few months now in my current campaign I've tried to play at all period for years now as a player or DM and every time the party has fallen apart and I'm not sure I even want to play ever again after so many failed attempts as of right now my players ignore me between sessions, are consistently late, they are critical of basically all the npcs, I have literally NOTHING for their characters and they complain about favoritism towards the only player even trying because they actually give me what I need and doesnt hate the npcs I make them because they arent exactly what I wanted. Is this normal? I dont think it is and if it is I really just dont want to play anymore 

I've tried to start storylines relating to the backstories of all the players and I've been so worried I've been doing something wrong but I have text rp channels set up that they asked for that they dont use and only the one player tries to use (which even that player has entirely stopped using because the others dont respond when he pings them) I've tried asking for what they're wanting to do, what would intrest them for the campaign in case I can add anything to make it a little more enjoyable for them, and I have gotten nothing aside from them complaining they dislike my npcs, they complain about the other player because hes friends with one of the npcs they tried to kill, and say that the characters they have have no reason to be interested in the main quest line of trying to stop the gods from basically destroying everything and when I ask how I can fix that or for more backstory or what I can do to better make npcs for them or even simply is there a particular npc they want I have gotten nothing. 

They both seemed super intrested at first when I first talked to them on roll20 I'm aware and I've been worried it's my fault somehow in me being shit in another way so I've been sort of trying to do most of what they all want I know I'm not a great dm I have a hard tine actually doing voices for the characters since I'm afraid they're going to pick on the voices I do and I'm embarrassed I'm not better at it and I'm not nearly as entertaining as a lot of other dungeon masters I've seen playing

I avoid watching the professionals I mean my friends and shit I basically begged my friend to teach me how to play in highschool they let me sit in on a session but didn't teach me and this is the first time ive done a whole campaign my fiance basically shit a brick when I told him I didnt know who matt mercer is

I Don't Know What I'm Doing Anymore

Dear DM:

I don't think you've EVER known what you're doing.

You have a fiancee, so I assume you're an adult. You have played for years, starting in high school (hard to tell you went to school at all with this horrendous writing), but every time you've tried to run a campaign it's "fallen apart." You state your players have complained about your storylines and your NPCs and that you're embarrassed you're not "entertaining" enough, like the DMs you've (presumably) watched on-line; you state you have a hard time "doing voices."

I'll cut to the chase: your problem (at least with regard to your DMing) is that you don't know how to play Dungeons & Dragons. It's not that you are a "shit DM." I mean, sure, it sounds like you're a long way from DMing in a competent fashion, but you don't even know what the actual game you're playing IS. 

You writing this is like me saying: "I'm a shit rocket scientist." Well, duh...of course I'm a shit rocket scientist, I never went to rocket science school and no one ever taught me how to be a rocket scientist or even the basic principals of rocket science. All I know is that it has something to do with rockets.

D&D, thankfully is NOT rocket science. But it's definitely not what you see on YouTube. The fact that you (at one time) were interested in playing D&D withOUT knowing who Matt Mercer is...well, that's a good thing. That you've since discovered his show, and think that's what D&D is supposed to be is a pity and a damn shame, because now you're just one more idiot operating under under ignorance and falsehood and obtaining bad results because of it.

Evidence: your games keep falling apart.

Now, there are people (5E people) who will tell you, no, you're doing it right, you're shit NOW, but will get better with practice. OR they will tell you that the issue is YOUR PLAYERS and that you need to find BETTER players, players who are aligned with your "style" and who are enthused by your storylines and NPCs, etc.  This is just BAD LUCK or lack of "proper recruiting" or "not setting expectations in Session Zero" or some other such nonsense.

It's nonsense.

You don't know what the hell you're doing because you don't know what the hell D&D is.

It is not a vehicle for storytelling. It is not an improvised TV show that you and your friends put on for each other. If that's your jam, you can do that withOUT the need for dice or rulebooks.

What D&D IS, is a GAME that allows players to experience the thrill of being an adventurer in a fantasy world. That's what it is. That's all it is. That's more than any other game ever made (at least, more than any other game I've ever come across...). 

As a Dungeon Master, you are the caretaker, referee, and facilitator of the game for your players. That's your job as the DM. That is the entirety of your job...and the limits of your responsibility.

You are not responsible for whether or not your players are having "fun." You ARE responsible for presenting the players with a proper game of D&D. And if they enjoy playing D&D (i.e. they want to choose to spend time playing it) and you are presenting them with proper D&D, then they will achieve satisfaction. Which is all that they, the players, should expect to achieve.

YOU, as the DM, derive satisfaction in a different fashion: namely, through the joy of creation and sharing your creations.

This is NOT about you "entertaining" anyone. Get that out of your head. Yes, yes...good DMs DO (often) entertain their players, but that is a BYPRODUCT of running, not the objective. Dungeon Mastering is a performative act, but it is not about being a performer. It's not. It's not about interesting characters, it's not about storylines, it's not about pacing or plot, it's certainly not about drama or "doing voices."

Learn the rules of the game. Run the game. 

Let me ask you this: you say begged your friend in high school to teach you how to play D&D and they let you "sit in on a session" but didn't actually teach you. Have you read the instruction manuals for the game? Have you read the PHB and DMG? Have you read any of the "starter" or "basic" or introductory rule systems?  Or do you just watch "professionals" like Matt Mercer on the internet?

In your first paragraph you wrote:

Is this normal? I dont think it is and if it is I really just dont want to play anymore

No, it's not "normal"...at least, it's not normal if you're a competent Dungeon Master. If you're a competent Dungeon Master running solid D&D, then your players are too busy engaging with the game world and trying to survive to worry about (or care about) the personalities of the NPCs. Because the D&D game is NOT about the NPCs. At all. It is about the players and their actions and reactions within the campagin world that YOU (as the DM) are creating and presenting to them. 

[and, let's be honest: most NPCs are there to die anyway]

So, SINCE it's "not normal," I'll assume that means you still want to play D&D. In which case I'd strongly sugggest: LEARN HOW TO PLAY. Don't watch videos...READ THE INSTRUCTIONS. If you're overwhelmed by the sheer page count of the current Core books (much of which is garbage padding anyway), start with a slimmer volume of higher quality...the Moldvay Basic set, for example (64 pages!). Read that, and run a few games using that system. While doing that, start creating your world...NOT your "storyline" just your world. Don't worry about plots involving "the gods destroying everything" (Jesus H, kid, what the hell...?), just worry about giving adventurers THINGS TO DO. Dungeons to plumb. Monsters to hunt. Treasure to find. You know: things that line up with the basic premise of the game. And while you're getting your feet under you, start reading Gygax's AD&D books, the 1E PHB and DMG. And when you're ready, transition your campaign world to an Advanced game.

Don't worry...you'll be all right.

Sincerely, 

JB