"Deat JB" Mailbag #46

This one is just so, soooo...aaaargGH!

Dear JB:

My DM won't run combat.

I know, I know. "Just talk to your DM or get a new one"

But how odd is this? Has anyone else ever experienced this?

My DM won't call for initiative. We've been playing half a dozens sessions now. Even in the first "combat" encounter we had, the enemies didn't attack anyone. We came upon them about to attack someone else and then they just... didn't.

Bandits stalking us in the forest? They don't attack on being spotted.

We attack something? It doesn't hit back. For several rounds.

It's just bizarre.

My DM Won't Run Combat

Dear Player:

I am sorry to be the one to break this news to you (sorry, because anyone with a modicum of sense should have already figured this out): your "DM" is a dipshit who doesn't know or understand the game they are purporting to run. 

They are an idiot. They are clueless. They don't know what they're doing. They're playing the game wrong. 

I am trying different ways to communicate the same thing because...well, I mean, because this should be obvious to you but for some reason it's not. THAT's the bit that is "bizarre:" how can you not see that your "DM" is a fucking clown who has no business masquerading under the title?

You've been playing for half a dozen sessions...you probably should have figured this out by session two, session three tops (I know how 5E players tend to sit around doing a lot of nothing...). 

This person claiming to be a Dungeon Master is a hopeless poseur and class-A loser. But what about you? That's the real question here. Is this what you want to do with the finite amount of time allotted to your time on this planet? How many HOURS did you waste in these half dozen sessions of accomplishing nothing with a DM who is clearly incompetent? 

How do you feel about yourself? How do you feel about your life? Where is your self-respect?

Find a real Dungeon Master or learn to be one yourself. But don't spend one more minute of time with this jackass. No, do not even bother "talking to them;" this is not about this dumbass getting their shit together (clearly they are incapable)...this is about YOU getting your shit together. 

Sincerely, 

JB