"JB's Mailbag" Returns!

The "Q" post in my A to Z series is on the way, but it needs a bit of a re-write (it's just overlong and "over-meander-y"). So in the meantime, I thought I'd give folks something to chew on.

I still get Reddit spam in my inbox and (when bored) I still check these on occasion. A couple 'good' ones recently made me decide to throw up another Dear Reddit post; hopefully, some will find it useful....

Dear JB:

I would like to apologize for all of this, but it is something that i must take out of my chest. I'm an DnD 5e player for the last 7 years, i still, never finished one campaign at all. That's because all of the groups i end up joining get their campaingns cancelled by problems out of my reach.

• The DM just gives up 
• Players just leave and ghosts the party. 
• A player makes bigs mistakes on purpose and end up breaking up the party. (Last one)

All those things makes me feel frustrated and sad, because i never get to finish my characters stories. I get so engaged and immersed with the story, and then, it all crumbles instantly. All the adventure disappears, the ideas of roleplaying with others just vanishes.

As i am someone who really is fond of the characters i make, I've been reusing them just hoping they would get a good ending, but it never happens. All i wished was a game where i could share a story with others, and others could share theirs stories as well, as we have our adventures to defeat a great villain, or unvail secrets.. I don't know. Really I'm starting to lose hope, as I can't feel happiness with my favourite hobby, which is RPG.  I simply don't know what to do anymore at this point.

Sorry to bother you, I just needed to share it with someone.

The Campaign I Was On Just Died

Dear Sad Player:

I feel your pain. I do. I have empathy for you. I want to write that at the outset, just because the advice I have for you might sound a little...hard.

The frustration you are describing is the product of the type of game you are playing. It is not the Dungeons & Dragons I play...it is the prevalent style of today, and it is a style that is far more conducive to disappointment, exhaustion, and frustration than it is to "enjoyable lasting gameplay." There are reasons why I prefer AD&D (first edition) to 5th edition and this may be the biggest one of the bunch.

But you don't have to play 1E. You just need to change your mindset. You need to stop believing what the internet (and the publisher trying to make a buck) has been shoveling in your direction.

Let's start at the beginning.  You state:

1. You are fond of creating characters.
2. You want to share those characters' stories with others.
3. You want others to share their characters' stories with you.
4. You want to have adventures where you defeat a great villain or unveil secrets, etc.

What this sounds like to me is that you want to star in your own fantasy epic, playing a character like what one might read in a fictional fantasy novel or see on the screen in a film or television show. 

Do you not understand how self-centered and selfish this is?

I say that without judgement (as in, I don't think you're a "bad person"). To accomplish what you want, you need a DM who is willing to cater to your character's story and a group of players who are willing to be foils (i.e. play "bit parts") to the story you want to "share" with others. That's a lot of people working (and working hard) to give you the experience you are hoping for. 

And, of course, you're not alone. There are PLENTY of players (probably even the same ones sitting at your table) who want the exact same thing. That seems to be the main draw (for players) of 5E these days, when you get right down to it.  And I'm not judging THEM either.

But consider THIS: the author of a novel (or the scriptwriter for a film or television show) is ALSO a person who wants to "create characters" and "share stories with others," right? Of course they are. They might want to make money doing it, too (who doesn't?) but storytellers USUALLY get into the business because they have a passion for making characters and sharing stories.

And they do the work themselves. 

That's the important bit. An author is the one who writes the story; they then share the story with others to read. Some folks may not be interested. Some folks may read the story and not like it. Some folks might read it and love it. But regardless, NONE of those people had to do anything but pick up the finished product...the AUTHOR did all the work for them.

You don't want to do the work of an author. You want others to work for YOU.

Can you not see how this can cause DMs to "give up?" Can you not see why other players (whose expectations of their own protagonist character are not being met) "just leave and ghost" the play group? Can you not see how one frustrated player might (in their frustration) choose to "make a big mistake" that ends up "breaking" the party?

This is all the usual results of the narcissistic play you are looking for.

You  are hoping for something that looks like the pantomime you see in an internet-streamed "show;" but understand many of those people are there for VERY DIFFERENT REASONS. They are making money. Or they are promoting themselves. Or they are fueling their egos with their fifteen minutes of fame. For them, there is a REASON why they are performing (not playing) in the way that you would hope your group would resemble. That 'other incentive' (whatever it is) is the glue that keeps them together and keeps them coming back to the table (and the video camera) to perform their pantomime of play.

As a game, this is not what D&D is; it certainly isn't what D&D was. And those of us still playing the game as it was in the early days (pre-1985) can vouch for the fact that the game is still a game worth playing, still a game worth loving, still a game where "fun" is had, even though we do not have the same expectations of play (nor do we achieve the desired outcomes) that you and your likeminded fellows have. 

I'm not saying that to indicate we are "better" than you; I'm just telling you that we are not experiencing the sadness and frustration that you are. 

I've seen what other people have written in response to your post. Most of the folks have shared that they are in the same boat and decry that this is just a "fact (or "curse") of D&D play." No. It is only a fact of this type of D&D play. Some of the people reading your post have suggested you hire a "paid DM" to run the game. Well, sure...because, as I said, with this style it requires ADDITIONAL INCENTIVE (just like those streamers get) to get the type of experience you are seeking.

You want someone to do the work for you? You've got to pay someone to do it.

But if you don't want to hire people to do the work for you and you're unwilling to try for three or seven of 40 years (as your "helpful" responders suggest) to find the occasional bunch of rubes willing to give you the play you want...well, you MIGHT consider playing the game in the style it was originally intended to be played. Which is incredible and amazing and wonderfully energizing.

Can I share with you the basics? You're welcome to quit reading at any time.

First: when you make a character, leave aside any "story" you have about the character. You have a wizard who has a background as a sailor or whatever...fine. Don't make it MEAN anything besides what it says. It's just a character...and all a character IS is a vehicle with which you can interact with the game. In other words, your character is NOT a vehicle for "telling stories."

Second: ...*sigh*

Unfortunately, this is the really hard part. The part that's hard to hear. Up until now, I was trying to be as gentle as possible and give you information that would apply regardless of whether you played 5E or 2E or Pathfinder or whatever. 

But the hard part is this: SECOND, you have to approach the game as a game to be experienced, not as a story to be told. And...unfortunately...you cannot do this if you're playing with a 5E DM or a group of 5E players who are operating under the same assumptions of game play you describe in your letter. If they think the game is about telling stories, well, you're going to run into the same issues, over and over again: DMs quitting, players ghosting, players "breaking" the game out of frustration. 

So, the real "second thing" you need to do is find a competent DM running a competent game of D&D. And, unfortunately, there's damn few of us around these days. And just as with the 5E crowd, it's more challenging to find people willing to take up the DM mantle than it is to find people who want to play. And you, yourself, are one of those who want to play. Plus, per your letter, I presume you are unfamiliar with older edition games (and thus need someone to teach you the rules of those games). All of these are barriers to you getting the exciting, entertaining experience that made D&D a hit in the first place.

It's not an impossible row to hoe...but it's definitely not an easy one.

As I said, I feel your pain. I understand what you're looking for, because you've been sold a bill of goods. The truth is this: if you really want to make characters and share stories, your best bet is to become an author and start writing. There's still a healthy market for fantasy fiction, and if you don't mind just giving away your stories for free, I'm sure there are some people who will jump at the chance to read your stuff. Everyone needs a creative outlet...you can have yours, especially if you have no attachment or expectation of being financially rewarded or lauded by the masses. 

But if you want to play D&D...a cooperative game of fantasy adventure...with people in a campaign that lasts,a group that doesn't quit on you, your best chance of experiencing that is with a group of "old edition"-minded players. They're out there, and they're not all geezers like me (my kids play 1E and they're in their early teens; the Cauldron convention in Germany features players in their teens through their 60s and draws people from a dozen plus countries around the world). The old books are still available, print-on-demand, and the old ways are still alive and kicking. Maybe it's time you tried something different from what you've been doing?

It would be cheaper than hiring a "paid DM," and there's quite a few of us trying to cut costs these days. PDFs of the "core" first edition books (the PHB, DMG, and MM) can be picked up for under $30...that's a lot cheaper than a tank of gas! For complete beginners, I also suggest Tom Moldvay's Basic D&D set as an introduction (only $4.99 for the PDF). Something to think about.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

JB