If It’s Not Scottish, It’s CRAP!

When I was a wee lad, leprechauns were one of my favorite fantasy things OF ALL TIME. Truly. I mean I read a lot of fairy tales (or had them read to me by my doting parents), and there were plenty of cool things to hear about…genies in magic lamps, pusses in boots, beanstalks and giants, snow queens, witches, gnomes, goblins…whatever. Tons of stuff. But leprechauns? They were definitely the coolest of the cool.

Just why this is, I don’t know. Certainly all sorts of “fairy stuff” and elder magic is hip…however, there was probably something about the LOOT factor that made the leprechaun such an enchanting creature to my greedy little heart. Pots of gold? WISHES? Who would NOT want to catch a leprechaun with that kind of swag being ripe for the taking?

I can honestly say I tried to follow rainbows to their end to look for buried leprechaun treasure when I was a kid. No lie…I may have even dug up the yard a bit, but that part I can’t remember all that clearly. Likewise, I spent a LOT of summers looking for four-leaf clovers.

So, anyway…you know what ruined leprechauns for me? Certainly NOT the series of cheesy horror flicks featuring Jennifer Aniston and a sadistic munchkin in a buckle hat (who pogosticks someone to death! Jesus Christo! What the hell kind of mind thinks THAT shit up?!). No, no, by the time that particular movie hit the theater (I was actually working for a cinema that summer…must have seen the first Leprechaun movie two or three times), I was already disenchanted with the little guys.

No, actually, it was the original AD&D Monster Manual that spelled the end of my infatuation.

Cool as it was to see the leprechaun finally included somewhere (recall I spent years of playing Basic and Expert before I ever picked up a Monster Manual), and nifty as the illustrations were (I can still think back and feel the excitement when I saw the art around the monster entry), I was totally disappointed by the Gygax take on the legendary leprechaun.

I mean, where were the three wishes? Where was the pot of gold? Where was the description with the seven fingers on each hand and the nine toes on each foot? How about the ways to catch a leprechaun? After all, the ways to trap a fairy has its own numerous myths and legends in Irish folklore.

Wow…talk about sucking the life out of something! I’m not sure Lucky Charms cereal did as much damage to my psyche as a child as the poor execution of this monster in my favorite role-playing game.

Which is one of the reasons why I threw the leprechaun into the B/X Companion. Well, that AND I needed to fill some space towards the end of the project. Folks will note MY version is a little different from the old MM's pickpockets.

And personally, I think they are the perfect kind of monster to appear in a book like the Companion. After all, the Companion is about high-level play right? High level challenges, high level rewards. And the leprechaun is nothing if not a challenging and rewarding task for any group of adventurers.

I mean, granting wishes? What monarch or high level lord wouldn’t be interested in the power to extend his realm, or his life, or his royal lineage? Not to mention increasing his wisdom, or his charisma, or any of the things we see heroes of folklore and myth using wishes for.

And catching a leprechaun? Merlin’s beard! How do you catch a critter that can turn invisible and teleport at will? Well, I suppose you could get lucky and hit it with a quick sword stroke or “hold person” spell…but paralyzed (or dead!) fairies don’t grant wishes, last time I checked. Players are going to need to get a might more clever to reap the rewards available.

[and, no, I’m not going to provide any hints on that here…go look it up in a book on folklore!]

Sure, sure…it may be a tad easier to coax an efreet into granting a wish (though you ought to make sure your stronghold has fire insurance!), but leprechauns are probably less dangerous, and generally don’t require powerful summoning spells or travelling to elemental planes of fire. Heck, it might even be possible to catch one any suitable pastoral or woodland setting…provided the moon is right and the correct “bait” is used.
; )

[hmmm...I tried to pull a leprechaun illustration off the internet, but there seems to be an incredible amount of "leprechaun porn" out there. Jeez, people!]

Too Much to Blog, Too Little Time

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Or rather, I know what’s wrong with me (I have a completely obsessive need to write-blog-comment-write-blog-comment) but I’m not sure WHY. Is it just that I haven’t had a proper creative outlet for the last couple weeks while traveling in Spain? Is it that the two week vacation rested me enough that I’m able to better access my inner inspiration? Is there just a ton of stuff to comment on, going on around the blog-o-sphere?

Who knows? I don’t, that’s for sure. Heck, maybe I just have too much to do this week (like going back to work, and unpacking, and getting ready for a number of Very Important Family Events, not to mention following up with my printer about the new print-run of the B/X Companion), and blogging is simply a way for me to procrastinate all the “responsible things” I should REALLY be working on.

C’est la vie.

Tim Brannan (he of the many blogs and Johnny Quest-like icon) has published a dandy little write-up of Count Dracula using my B/X Companion. This has touched off a whole bunch of thoughts (for me) on both the undead AND the role of the Companion in high level play. Two completely separate subjects really, and both worthy of their own posts. However, a preview question to consider:

- Does your use of undead drop off in high level D&D play? And if so, why?


Then, of course, there’s the leprechaun, which also really deserves its own post. Which would you rather have first, folks? Faeries or the walking dead? I know, I know…it’s a tough call. Probably the leprechauns will win out (I am part Irish, after all).

In political news...well, let’s just say I hope you all are voting this November and that you’re educating yourself at least a little on what’s going on, rather than just watching attack ads from either side. I’ll leave it at that for now.

In local news…Gary’s Games in Seattle is celebrating an anniversary of some sort (Tim told me how many years, but I forget) and is celebrating by having a week of events and festivities all next week. I’ve been asked to run my Thursday night Baranof game AT Gary’s rather than the bar next door (they’ve even agreed to keep the store open a little later on my behalf…nice!) as part of the celebration. Despite their lack of cold draft beer (or any alcoholic beverages), I’ve given it the “thumbs up.” AB and I might need to get our drink on BEFORE going, but I have promised to run the game more “family friendly.”

Though if recent experience is any indication, I expect a lot of the family to die.

What else, what else…so many commentators on my pistols post giving positive kudos has led me to think I need to include firearms in my B/X game. Between SpellJammer, the 1st edition DMG, Warhammer FRP, and Mordheim, I’m pretty sure I can come up with some simple/cool rules. Will there be warplock muskets A LA the skaven? Doubtful…unless I write-up skaven for B/X (and then I’d need mutation rules, and then I’d want Chaos powers, and by that time I’d be re-writing Slaves of Darkness and The Lost and the Damned for use with Labyrinth Lord…and I’ve already got plenty on my plate).

Actually, though, it’s not a TERRIBLE idea. If the Keep on the Borderlands was set in the Norsca parts of the Auld World…no, no, that is too ambitious for right now! Not to mention definitely cruising for a bruising of the lawsuit variety (that’s a lot of Games Workshop IP!).

I would love to write more about Spain…especially as relates to Strongholds and Mass Combat. As I’m sure I’ve mentioned, Spain is littered with ancient castles and fortresses, both Christian and Islamic. Both types have something in common: beefy practicality. These are not the fantasy castles of Ludwig the Mad (sorry, Bavaria), but are squat, thick strongholds that were the sites of bloody skirmishes. They are also quite a bit bigger than the dimensions given in the D&D rulebooks (towers at the Alhambra are at least the size of “keeps”…we’re talking 60’ X 60’ square plus).

Regarding mass combat, the new Army Museum at the Alcazar in Toledo had plenty to say, including the practicality of stand-up fights on the medieval battlefield (i.e. NONE). In the “Good Old Days” the object was NOT to commit ones’ troops to a toe-to-toe fight as this would generally lead to a ton of dead men…the idea was to drive the other guys off, or intimidate them into surrendering the field, so that you could claim territory with minimum loss of force.

Which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy that I made the Morale rules a major part of my mass combat system in the B/X Companion.
; )

Let’s see…even though Spain has been a major inspiration of late, Marion Zimmer Bradley has given me even more “school for thought” (maybe…Spain IS a big country, after all). However, THAT’s going to be a two or three part post that I’m currently in the process of “cleaning up.”

Oh, yeah...any my 2nd print run should be finished by next week. Keep those orders coming!

All right, that’s enough talking ‘bout talking. Time to get to work!
: )

Spain is a Big Country

[as with my earlier post, this was originally written in the middle of the night at 10,000 feet]

To most people, this post might seem like a Big Duh Statement…OF COURSE, Spain is a big country. It’s a damn country, after all, not a city or even Rhode Island (sorry, Brian). And countries are big.

But I have to admit, living in the U.S. and having traveled back-and-forth across the U.S. (by plane, train, and automobile)…when I look at a globe, I see the Iberian Peninsula and think, “huh, Spain’s not all that big.”

It is. It is huge.

This trip I was as far north as Bilbao and Ordunia up in Basque country, and as far south as Granada. I had the opportunity to drive from Madrid (in the geographical center of the country) to towns just a few (four) hours south and there is a LOT of country out there. Andalusia is huge, by itself, and if it weren’t for the great highways and the high speed travel allowed by today’s technology, it would seem a fairly arduous undertaking (in my mind) to travel it…by foot or by horse. It’s pretty dry out there.

But Spain isn’t a desert by any stretch of the imagination. The north is as green (or nearly so) as the Pacific Northwest, and plenty rainy (probably moreso actually). And there are plenty of mountain ranges (where do you think Toledo gets the iron for that Spanish steel?), not even counting the Pyrenees to the east.

Oh, yeah…and miles and miles of coastline, north, south, and west. Ever hear of the Spanish Armada? Once upon a time Spain had THE biggest, baddest maritime naval force the world had ever seen.

But, yeah, back to the point: Spain, big. And not just geographically. The place is big both historically and culturally. Franco and his Nationalists (i.e. Fascists) did a number on the country for most of the 20th century in the name of a “united Spain” but didn’t quite manage to extinguish the Basque and Catalan language/cultures (not to mention the Arabic action still around in the South). And historically? We have peoples from many different lands and ethnic backgrounds fighting to possess this land: the indigenous folks, the Gallic, the Romans, the Visigoths, the Moors, the Catholics…heck, Spain sent Crusaders to the Holy Land, and then used those experiences (and loot) to help finance the Reconquista of re-claiming the country from Islam centuries later.

And that’s all before they make their mark as a world superpower spreading Empire around the globe.

Spain is huge. In all its climates, it is marked by castles, fortresses, and palaces. And ruins of course…can’t have wars and culture clashes without breaking a few stones.

If one wanted to use any real world setting for a D&D campaign, Spain...just by itself...wouldn’t be a bad place to use as a basis.

Assuming you forget everything East of the mountains (just raise the Pyrenees up to Himalayan heights) you have a huge country ripe for exploration, political intrigue, and conquest...plus, Africa and Araby to the south, England and the Celts across the sea to the North, all climates and weather types (I have a great postcard of snow-covered Toledo), and ancient Gallic dungeons to explore (not to mention deep dark caves ripe for spelunking).

Add a little Vancian magic for kicks (and to taste) and you have a fantastic setting right here, right now.

Personally, I’d take the Tolkien road of having the elves be from “over the sea” (i.e. from the fey lands of Ireland or some such) and thus more likely found in the forests to the north, and the dwarves' home of the eastern mountains (they’re not big on water after all). Halflings might be anywhere, but the hills of Andalusia wouldn’t be a bad idea (they dig on their olive trees).

Wind mills and castles…though also REAL giants for Don Quixote to fight. The rich history of the country provides plenty of fertile ground for any campaign you care to imagine. Pick any 200-300 year period and then pick a culture for your heroic PCs. Are they Moorish adventures? Christian Templars? Mercenaries out of Catalan? Basques trying to hold onto their own way of life?

Regardless of who you choose to be “the good guys” and “the bad guys” there is plenty of wilderness to ride across, plenty of ruins to explore, plenty of trouble to get into…all of which makes for a superb D&D campaign. I love it. I have so many ideas BURSTING in my head for a game…far more than I ever got from my tours of France or Italy or even Germany (and Germany loves its castles and knights and armor and such).

Spain…a couple thousands years of adventure…ripe for the taking. It's definitely worth a gander.

; )

B/X Companion: SOLD OUT!!!

As of October 5th, 13:14 PDT, the B/X Companion has officially sold out its first print run...although, there IS still a copy down at Gary's Games in Seattle (checked this afternoon).

Since the orders continue to come in (yes, I am actually officially OVER-SOLD) I will be ordering a 2nd print run this week. The 2nd run will have corrections to certain typos (notably the word "horde" will generally be replaced with the word "hoard" in most instances) as well as adding the TM symbol to Labyrinth Lord mentioned in the Foreword.

Oh, yeah...and I'll be correcting the single actual game errata I've found in the book (the Banshee should be listed as Hit Dice: 7**...many of the books were "hand corrected" by me before being mailed).

I'd like to thank everyone who helped line my pockets and enabling the financing of a 2nd print run by buying the book...especially those first interested people who bought the thing BEFORE the reviews started coming in. I'd like to thank James Maliszewski of Grognardia for talking it up (even though he hasn't yet purchased his own copy, his review yesterday got me a score of new customers that helped put me over the top). Most especially, I'd like to thank my wonderful artists whose contributions helped make my words pretty to look at, and whose fine work transformed my scribbled thoughts into an actual honest-to-goodness game.

Of course, my family gets a shout out, too, for their love and support.

It's funny, folks...I put together a 64 page game over many months, and by no means did it make me rich nor famous...but, damn, it's immensely satisfying. Really...thanks to everyone who reads the ol' B/X Blackrazor. I hope you've found it entertaining (it's been fun for me writing it). I really, really, REALLY do plan on writing more stuff, and I hope that it is received at least half as well as the B/X Companion. THAT book was a true labor of love. I am 100% satisfied with how it turned out.

Well...except for the damn typos in the first print.

; )

Pistols & Plate Armor

[several of the posts to follow, including this one, were written on my plane trip back from Madrid...they reflect my musings during a period of near total exhaustion, so be warned!]

Although I don’t have access to the internet right now (I am currently on a transatlantic flight back to the States), I’ve finished reading both the novels I brought with me and find myself wanting to blog a bit. This post (or series of posts) will go up sometime after my return; I certainly found plenty of food for thought during my two weeks in Spain.

For instance, why the hell aren’t there firearms in D&D?

Oh, I’m aware that the arquebus (isn’t that a kind of primitive pistol?) made an appearance in one edition or another…either 1.5 (Unearthed Arcana) or 2nd edition. But if memory serves, that’s it, and it has (as far as I’m aware) not been in any of the WotC+ editions, unless in some supplement book or campaign setting.

Why not? Because gunpowder isn’t “fantasy” enough? Because it would somehow upset the balance of power in a game? Because “hand crossbows” are cooler?

While my baser, inflammatory nature prompts me to write “GARBAGE” in big bold letters, please humor me as a normal person asking an honest question: why isn’t gunpowder and primitive firearms a part of the fantasy world?

I mean, I can offer up a couple-five theoretical answers myself, but I am curious as to what people think. Let me offer a couple observations on the matter:

- Armor in general has been developed as a defense against the weapons of warfare. Plate armor, while present in Roman times (the lorica segmentum or whatever it was called), but that’s not what most people are thinking about that’s a very different thing from “plate and mail” the kind of armor most folks associate with 14th through 16th century Europe. And the supplementing of mail with fitted steel plates is something done in response to the excellent penetration abilities of weapons like the crossbow and firearm.

- Now, that being said, the crossbow (present in D&D) was used side-by-side with the firearm well into the “plate and mail” armor period. In many ways it was more accurate, easier (or as easy) to load and fire, and had just as good penetration. Prior to “rifling” technology, the range was probably better as well, depending on the size of the comparative weapons. The crossbow collection in the Royal Palace of Madrid is quite extensive and was a significant part of the armory, side-by-side with the handgun (which appear to be prized as highly for their decorative potential as for their use in combat).

- THAT being said, it should be noted that the development of plate armor WAS effective in stopping shot from firearms…plenty of real breastplates on display exhibited dents from actual shot that had been deflected, saving the lives of their wearers. Yes, plate armor was no match for cannon fire…but plate armor would be no protection from catapult shot either (and catapults and trebuchets were still being used in the 14th and 15th centuries alongside cannon also).

So why exactly is it that D&D…a fantasy game of archaic weapons and tactics…does NOT include firearms? After all, it DOES include “plate and mail.” Is it just that one wants to have the image of the “knight in shiny armor on horseback charging the dragon with lance”…and no pistols in the scene? First off…um, when does such a thing ever occur in D&D anyway (that fighter is generally going to have a supporting cast helping him handle the dragon including a wizard with plenty of cannon-like firepower)? And second…just because firearms exist doesn’t mean you don’t still use a sword and shield.

Look, in Spain (let me note once again: gold mine of cool info, folks)…in Spain, the army in the late 15th or 16th through the 17th century divided its troops into four parts:

- the artillery (the dudes with the cannons)
- the cavalry
- the musketeers (rifleman)
- the pikemen

Of these, all but the artillery guys (and maybe even they) were carrying swords as standard weapons, not decoration. They used a four pronged approach to warfare that served them quite well for several centuries…after all, Spain WAS a major world power up until the 20th century (and who knows…they DID just win the World Cup this year…). All these guys would wear some form of breastplate (at least) with the pikemen (natch) wearing near full plate armor…and swords were standard weapons for melee fighting (the pikes were for breaking up and defending against cavalry and other pickemen).

You don’t lose your small scale, man-to-man combat with the invention of firearms. Masses of English longbowmen didn’t render the blade obsolete either…and they were plenty effective (if not moreso) than guns for several centuries.

So why not include firearms in D&D?

Here are some possible theories, off the top of my head:

1) Not true to D&D’s “literary roots.” You generally don’t see firearms in “sword & sorcery” stories. Conan doesn’t use guns. Elric doesn’t use guns. Fafhrd and Mouser don’t use guns. Of course, those stories generally take place in some “primal age” before the sinking of Atlantis or the 4th Age or whatever. Of course, with the exception (perhaps) of Elric, those guys don’t wear plate armor either. ALSO, being “primeval” they exist long before the Christian-mythos inherent in the hodge-podge that is D&D (i.e. “no clerics” in sword & sorcery).

2) Historical Laziness. Plate armor without firearms based on poor research/knowledge. OR poor understanding of how firearms would affect the game (issues of “game balance;” thinking they would somehow render other weapons/equipment moot).

3) Design Laziness. Throwing up their hands at the thought of creating “accurate” rules. Or figuring out how much such weapons would cost. Or how much damage they’d do. Or figuring the equipment list is already plenty long. Or something.

4) Guns aren’t “magical” enough. In a game where magic is an accepted part of life, the “science” of gunpowder/chemistry seems out of place. Alchemists brewing “potions” with eye of newt? Yes. Mixing up saltpeter and sulfur? No. The Age of Reason leads to the end of the Age of Magic or something. And can a magic-user craft a +2 Blunderbuss or a Pouch of Endless Shot or something?

5) Inertia. D&D doesn’t have guns. So D&D doesn’t have guns.


Now I recognize that there are other fantasy RPGs of the sword-swinging variety that tackle the whole issue. Warhammer FRP DOES have firearms AND plate armor. Ars Magica is set in the 12th-13th century and has neither. Pendragon, set in the middle ages ALSO has neither. And certain genre-specific games (like ElfQuest and Stormbringer) only have the technology portrayed in their respective Intellectual Properties (plate armor SANS firearms, though only in specific circumstances/cultures).

Here’s the deal folks: that last tactic may work for other games, but D&D has (historically speaking) NOT had a specific IP associated with it (much as WotC may trademark otherwise). This was always one of its strengths…that it could be adapted to any type of fantasy, small combat, explorative adventure setting.

And IF your conquistadors are hacking and slashing their way through the jungle, despite the sun beating down on their steel plated armor, THEN WHY NOT allow them to carry a musket or two or a brace of pistols?

Because it’s “too useful?” Um, all damage does 1D6 in B/X (and even with variable damage charts, I wouldn’t have a gun do more than 1D8, or whatever a crossbow does).

Because shot is “too cheap to produce?” Um, it’s little easier to smelt musket balls than it is to fletch arrows, and putting powder together in the right proportions is a lot trickier…and as with other missile weapons, ammo is going to be a lot harder to come by once you’re out on safari.

Because it’s not “magical” enough? Good. Fine. Not everything need be magical. Magic arrows are a lot more common than magic bows (and is there even such a thing as magical “shot” for a sling? David and Goliath might say so)…and magic swords are much more common than those. Rightly so…when it comes to combat, D&D has always favored the sword over the arrow anyway…why should pistols be any different.

Because I don’t have an accurate price list for guns? Um, D&D has never been incredibly accurate with regard to pricing. Use historical values or your own fantasy economy and “wing it.” I prefer something like comparative costs in Mordheim (the Games Workshop game) for this type of thing.

Honestly, I see no reason not to use firearms in D&D, unless you’re really big into having light catapults aboard sailing ships (which I always thought was a little ridiculous) or use a lot of siege warfare and feel D&D castles wouldn’t stand up against cannon bombardment (not with the Rules As Written, certainly). But I know A LOT of folks never explore that far into the game rules anyway; i.e. most folks aren’t doing naval or siege warfare in their D&D campaigns. So why not throw a pistol or two into the mix. I’d rather see THAT, than a standard party of adventurers carrying “hand crossbows” purchased using the Unearthed Arcana rules!

; )

Back in the U.S. of A.

Well, Texas, actually, which many folks both in AND outside of the state will tell you is NOT exactly the same thing.

However, it IS (officially) U.S. soil which means that I have beat the scare-monger's odds and NOT got blown-up in some sort of international travel incident...though I almost had some pewter olive picks (in the shape of Toledo swords) confiscated in Madrid. ALMOST...they must have decided I looked "mostly harmless" and allowed me to re-pack 'em back in my carry on (little did the pilots know I was deadly with the throwing toothpick!). Once we got to Dallas, I checked them (along with my Toledo sword) so that I wouldn't have to worry about it with American security...they have a notoriously low threshold for humor on such matters.

Yes, I AM bringing my blade back with me, rather than mailing it. It made it to Dallas without damage, we'll see if it gets all the way to SeaTac. I am hopeful...but then I am NOT traveling Continental this trip (which has had a history of losing luggage).

[*sigh*]

Anyhoo, though it may not look like it, I DID do some blogging on the flight over from Spain. Unfortunately, I didn't have access to the internet, so these various thoughts will get posted up over the next few hours. People may begin resuming orders of the B/X Companion without fear...while my "secondary mail service" (AKA my house-sitting brother) was able to mail out half-a-dozen packages for me this week, I will be resuming mail operations manana (I ain't going into work till Wednesday).

Yay!
: )

***EDIT: Oh, yeah...and apparently while I was in the air, Mr. Maliszewski gave a fairly positive review of my B/X Companion over at Grognardia. That's pretty cool; check it out when you have a chance!****

Holy Toledo!

Yes, I am still in Spain.

For the most part, I am loving it, though I will be back stateside soon enough (i.e. in roughly two to three days). I'm sure you folks can wait THAT long. Jeez!

While I've had internet access for the last couple-couple, I've been mainly too busy sightseeing or too exhausted (from sightseeing) to bother blogging. Also, it sure would have been smart if I'd bothered to bring a cable for uploading photos from the cam to the blog, 'cause I'm sure I'd have plenty to say when one considers the mishmash of cultures and multi-thousand year history of this incredible country. Pretty f'ing fantastic.

Right now, I'm in the city of Toledo, the main city I wanted to see on our trip (though the Basque country was a lot of fun and Granada and Madrid were nice as well...all right, as I said, everything has been cool. Though I would strongly recommend NOT driving in Granada. No! NOOOoooo!!). Toledo, not to be confused with the city in Ohio that bears its name (they even have a street here named after Toledo, Ohio)...TOLEDO, the REAL Toledo is about 2500 years old, and was the capital of Spain until Phillip the Dos (that's "II") decided he'd rather move the political seat of the country to a little village called Madrid in 1561.

I'm not sure what's more impressive...that Madrid will be celebrating its 450th birthday next year (only about twice as old as the United States) or that the original capital has more than 2000 on THAT. Well, actually, that's a lie...I DO know which is more impressive to moi.

Anyway, MY reasons for wanting to go to Toledo were a little more...um..."base" than simply wanting to soak up the beautiful architecture, history, and cultural gumbo (Islam, Catholicism, and Judaism have been peacefully coexisting in Toledo for several centuries). Nope, all that is great, marvelous in fact. But I came here for the swords.

I can remember the first time I handled a replica katana in some Seattle cutlery shop, more than 20 years ago, and naively asking where in Japan it had been made. "Spain," was the reply. I was told there weren't any swords being forged in Japan (at least not for export) and the only real blades still being commercially manufactured THESE days (this would have been the late 80s) were being forged in Spain.

Now, of course, there are plenty of replica artisans all over the world. Ahh, the magic of the internet which allows hack writers like myself to self-publish all over the world...and hobbyist sword-makers to manufacture all sorts of edged goodies for a profit.

But still, there's a difference between buying an "authentic Scottish claymore" hand-forged locally from your neighborhood Renaissance fair, and picking up some real Spanish steel in the world's sword-making capital. Or maybe there ISN'T a difference...except in MY mind.

But you know me...I'm kind of "old school," like that.

So, anyway, Toledo. I heard that swords were big in this town...hell, in the whole country for that matter, and yeah, it appears to be true. Even up North in the Basque region, the wedding we went to featured sword salutes and sword dancing (outside the church) not to mention a big-ass broadsword being used to cut the wedding cake. And yes, there's plenty of sword history in the country (what with the violence of the Reconquista and Crusades). But Toledo?

This town is something else entirely.

Now, of course I should note that Toledo isn't just the "place of swords." It's really the "place of swords and marzipan." You know, that sweet almond-paste candy? Apparently it was invented here. There are nearly as many shops selling marzipan as selling swords...which is a good thing, since my wife is far more interested in the tasty confections than the edged bad-ness. But pretty much EVERY shop, EXCEPT the confectioners sell swords.

Every shop. Like every single window has a prominent rack of blades of all types, styles, designs, and craziness. For a sword enthusiast, this place is hog heaven.

Moreso...I've actually become a bit jaded to the whole experience. The place is also a Mecca (no pun intended) for tourists and history buffs (duh) and the place must sell more swords than...

Well, shit. Than anywhere in the world. I mean supply and demand right? Could these businesses stay in business without moving all this inventory? Come on!

Every time I turn a corner (and like Venice, this place is filled with medieval, winding streets...all old, all stone, though thankfully all marked) I half-expect to see a pair of tourists, duking it out with replica swords like some Highlander-style alley fight. I mean, what else could they be used for? Is there some type of underground, Toledo duelist club (Spain's answer to Fight Club?) that I'm not privy to? If so, they must be doing it somewhere well concealed...the main thing I see cruising the streets at night are young people in tiny cars, blasting loud dance music and looking for a party. That particular scene is no longer my thang, but honest-to-God fencing in the streets of historic Toledo? I have to admit, the idea holds a certain appeal as I find myself approaching middle age.

Too much D&D I suppose.

; )

Anyway, I did buy a sword today...much as I would have liked to forge my own (I've read too many books as well), I did get an excellent piece from a real Toledo sword-smith...a 4th generation hombre who's been forging for 40 years and works out of a shop more than three times that old (we got to tour the shop...it looked like your average extremely crowded garage plus forge, work tables, and stacks upon stacks of half-finished pieces). Much as it would have been nice to pick up a cruciform broad sword or bell-guarded rapier, I settled on a tasty small-sword...all hand-crafted, even the quillons (several of his commercial pieces incorporated molded pieces into the hilt as a means of expedience). It's simple and elegant, and the blade is supple enough the espadero could bend it at a 90 degree angle without snapping it, the whole flexing swiftly back into its original position. Ugh! It's so beautiful and so completely impractical (I certainly hope never to poke someone with it!) that I'm really at a loss for words. As with other parts of this trip, the thought of it just fills me with...well...with a lot of feeling.

Fortunately, it was in my price range (it wasn't made with meteoritic iron after all!), and my wife and I both knew there was a very good chance I'd purchase a sword in Toledo (I never did have much of a poker face). Wow...I can only hope it clears customs so I can unwrap it and revel in its shininess...right now, it is boxed and taped and it ain't coming out till we get back to Sea-town. Hopefully, no fat tourist in the midst of a mid-life crisis slaps me with his glove while I'm prowling the city, looking for a churro (the wife is already stocked-up on the marzipan).

However, if some deathwish-craving Yankee DOES hit me up for a duel, I'm sure I'll be able to pop into whatever shop I happen to be browsing, and nip back out, blade in hand. I mean, really, it is THAT easy in Toledo. I kid thee not...every single block. There are enough armas blancas in this town...replica AND authentic...to arm every single tourist and stage a mass battle scene that would put Nightwatch to shame. Maybe not enough claymores to do Braveheart...but I wasn't a huge fan of that flick anyway.

All right, all right. That's enough for now. I've got another 48 hours or so "in country" and I need to spend some of it sleeping. Adios, amigos! Nos vemos!

: )