"Dear JB" Mailbag #52

Over the course of 2025, I've done 52 of these...an average of one per week. While it made for an amusing (if sometimes frustrating) series, I'm done now. This last one I just dredged up by going to the "r/dnd"...it was the first thing that came up, though it was from four years ago. As usual, Wednesday's child is full of woe....

Dear JB:

Been DMing for 15 years and I think I just played my last session of DnD. I just don't want to do it anymore. Built a world and no one remembers any details. Add a puzzle and no one even tries. 

It might seem minor but this last session frustrated me more then it should have. Players walk into room. Huge obvious McGuffin in room. Only detail provided is a bunch of books are also in the room. No one explores. No one tries to read a single book. "I'd like to examine the bookcases" is literally all they had to do to get the knowledge they needed for the knowledge puzzle. Could have also examined the floor or climbed a staircase but that was less obvious. But no one bothers to do any of it.

I end up trying to change the encounter last minute to prevent a party wipe because they didn't get a piece of info they needed. Whole encounter ends up being clunky and bad because of it. This is a constant thing.

I don't want to DM if I have to hand feed every detail to the players. I also don't want do nothing but create simple combat encounters. So I'm gonna take a week and think it through but I think I just don't want to play anymore. Sucks.

After 15 Years DMing I Think I'm Done Playing DnD

Dear Done:

I've seen (and answered) several "quitting" type letters. Yours is the only one who said he was quitting after DMing for 15 years.

Fifteen years is a long time. I worked for the same organization for fifteen years. Hoo-boy...that is a LONG time to spend on something you don't love and aren't passionate about. Truth be told, I was passionate about it...probably for the first decade or so. After that, it was mainly just a paycheck and benefits.

Did your DMing net you a paycheck and benefits?

According to your profile, you wrote this letter when you were 37 years old. I turned 52 last month; it's been fifteen years since I was 37 years old. That was 2010...I'd been writing this blog for a year and a half at that time. Had been playing D&D (and other RPGs) for more than a quarter-century at that time. Had zero desire (at that point) to quit playing.

Why? What's the difference between you and me?

Am I just a bigger nerd than you are? Or a more stubborn one? Do you just have a "quitter gene" in your DNA, while I do not? Hardly. I've quit plenty of things. Hobbies. Jobs. Relationships. Always for good reason. Fencing for example...I loved fencing. But at the age of 30 my knees were starting to break down and I didn't like the direction my physical health was heading. Rehab (via years of yoga) helped put me back together. 

Hell. I loved smoking, too. Again, I quit that for health reasons. Decided I preferred to live longer than my pack-a-day habit (two-a-day on weekends) was going to allow.

But you, Mr. Done...what's your reason for quitting this activity you've been engaged in for the last 15 years? Because your players are bad at D&D? Huh? What?

Look: you either enjoy being a DM or your don't. If you enjoy being a DM, then it doesn't matter what your players do or don't do. I mean, maybe I'm weird. I just like making adventures and running them. Players that make poor decisions in my games usually see their characters end up dead. Which is (often) amusing for Yours Truly. Most of the time, this incentivizes players to get better...i.e. to become better players. And I do mean "most of the time." I just don't see a lot of players quit on me out of a dislike of the game play...in fact, I can't think of ANY off the top of my head.

[although that's with regard to D&D...I have had at least one player quit on a Vampire saga, because he decided he didn't like the game and its themes]

So, yeah...I run a straightforward game. Players get good or their characters get dead. Players come back for more until other priorities (life, etc.) get in the way. Yeah, that's about the extent of it. 

For me...I don't care. I just enjoy running D&D. I'm a Dungeon Master...that's what I do. I don't build worlds for my players; I build worlds for ME. I don't insert puzzles for my players to solve; I insert puzzles because it makes sense, or feels right, to have such a challenge in a particular adventure I'm designing. If the players can't figure it out...tough. If the players get killed in a fight...tough. THAT'S THE GAME. It continues to amaze me that folks don't seem to get this...even after fifteen years of being a Dungeon Master.

But I'm being silly, I know. I didn't understand what it was to be a Dungeon Master back in 2010 (after 25 years of running games for people). No one ever explained it to me, and I was too dim to see it myself. It wasn't until the last seven or eight years...maybe ten...that I've REALLY, truly grasped what it means to be a Dungeon Master. What it means as a calling...as a vocation. I've had it all along, but I didn't have the words to articulate it or the right ideas to conceptualize it. Now I do. 

Which is why, of course, I need to get back to writing my book on the subject.

Hey, Mr. "Done With D&D:" you need to stop worrying about whether or not your players are jackasses or fools. You need to stop worrying about whether or not they give a rip about your world building (spoiler alert: they DON'T except insomuch as it directly  affects their characters). You need to stop bitching-and-moaning about the shit your can't control, and start focusing on the shit you CAN control...like whether or not an encounter is "clunky."

Be okay with the total party wipe. Your players are (apparently) okay with it...otherwise, they'd try a little harder and pay a bit more attention. I'm so glad to hear you're tired of feeding them details...I can assure you that you are not doing your players (or yourself!) any favors by hand-holding them.

Just kill them already. Get over it.

*sigh*  Fifteen frigging years. Man, if I could go back to my 37 year old self with the knowledge I have today... Man, if I could go back to my 25 year old self (15 years into starting to DM)...

Eh. I probably wouldn't have listened to me, either.

Allow me to be frank: chances are you're not a terribly good Dungeon Master right now, even after fifteen years of taking the role. Yeah, probably not. Because from the words in your letter it's pretty obvious you don't know yourself very well in the "Know Thyself" Socrates kind of way. Because if you did, you wouldn't be whining NOW about an issue that's probably been going on for every one of these last fifteen years. Oh, what? It's only a problem after a decade and a half?

Hey, Done: this is the last one of these "Dear JB" letters I plan on writing...the very last. So I'm going to pull back the curtain for the people reading this blog. More than 1.7 thousand people replied to this letter of yours. And all the advice is of the stupidest kind: Find new players. Communicate your feelings. Take a break from DMing to "recharge." Use "quantum" encounters. Read "The Lazy  DM." Blah-blah-blah.

Garbage. All of it.

You don't need to communicate your feelings; you need to run the game. You don't need to take a break from gaming; you need to bring focus and attention to your work. You don't need to get new players; you need to train the players that come to your table. You don't need to use quantum encounters; you need to stop having attachments to whether or not the players take a particular specific action. And for the love of CHRIST, please, Please, PLEASE spurn the "lazy DM" and all his unholy works. Get thee behind me, Satan!

Your frustration, your discontent, and your lack of satisfaction all come from your approach to the game. That's it; that's all. If you want to fix those things, you need to fix your mind; you need to fix yourself. Nothing else you try is going to solve your problems until you get your head screwed on right.

After fifteen years, I'd say it's worth a shot before quitting.

Sincerely, 

JB