"Dear JB" Mailbag #19

[sorry to throw down more of these lazy-ass posts, but I'm a bit short on time recently]

Dear JB:

So firstly, context. My players have been getting along very well! The main thing I've begun to notice is that they tend to split into mini groups. 

Out of five they tend to split

• Goliath barb and Gnome Artficer
• Human fighter and human artificer
• And rogue who sticks to her npcs.

Again, players are getting along well, but I'm a smidge worried that character motivations may split as the characters sometimes don't even get along lol.

Without strong arming them or going over the table, how could I get them together more?

How Do You Get Characters To Bond

Dear DM:

I'll admit that I'm a tad unclear on what you mean by the players tendency to "split into mini groups;" are you saying the party tends to split up while on adventures? Going separate ways in the dungeon? Because if that's the issue it is easily solved: most such parties will be destroyed if they insist on tackling adventure sites in piecemeal fashion. And once they create new characters (with the wisdom that comes from a 'hard knocks' experience) they'll be more like to stick together.

However, from your terminology ("artificer," "rogue") I gather that you're playing a newer version of the game. And perhaps your issue is with the characters simply "getting along" in the game world. That is, the characters...being played as actual entities separate from their players...sometimes allow their "character issues" to interfere with becoming a cohesive party. Or something.

Group dynamics are a tricky thing: people can be friends, co-workers, colleagues, and/or family members and might still have disagreements with each other. Even STRONG disagreements. Married couples and siblings (generally) love each other very much, and share strong bonds, but they can be deeply divided about things like politics or religion or even what types of movies or music they like. My brother and I, for example, have such a strong bond from sharing our lives together that often times we appear downright telepathic to others, because our minds and thoughts move in such similar ways. And, yet, we disagree on fundamental levels regarding politics, religion, and music (Bel Biv Devoe, Adam? Really?). 

And the larger the group, the more complicated those group dynamics become. Because each person in a group is a unique individual with their own likes/dislikes, hopes, fears, desires, and level of confidence when it comes to expressing themselves.

Now, once upon a time I subscribed to the idea that people could play a character that was different from themselves...the "this isn't ME making these decisions, it's MY character and how THEY would act" thing. However, over the years, I've only found one person who could truly be this objective about their playing piece: myself. And even to myself, my motives are oftentimes suspect. What actually occurs in this attempted dissolution of personality is that we tap into aspects of ourselves...sometimes aspects that we dislike or don't usually acknowledge even to ourselves, in order to "create" a persona that appears to be a different, separate entity. And I'm not just talking about "playing an evil PC;" check out the hardcore atheists that enjoy playing devout clerics (in a non-caricatured fashion).

It is similar to (part of) the process of an actor embodying a role: actors can only bring to the stage what is inside themselves and so they have to...purposefully...find that connection between their own personality and the character they are playing and weave the two together. We all have our "dark sides" and our "light sides;" what's more, we all have all the feelings/emotions that go into making the myriad of human behaviors and reactions to LIFE, as it happens...even if we don't all have the traumatic or uplifting experiences to cause those emotions to manifest into specific behavioral patterns.

But D&D is not acting: we are not attempting to shape ourselves into a character in order to portray the playwright's words in an effective matter, conveying the author's story with the director's themes. No.

What we ARE doing is playing a game of fantasy adventure. And our characters are the vehicles for that experience. And without all the mental gymnastics an actor needs to perform in order to (for example) transform Sir Anthony Hopkins into Hannibal Lecter, we can still say "Hm. If I were a wizard confronted by an owl bear, with only these few spells in my repertoire, what would I do?" That's it: that is what 'role-playing' is when it comes to the D&D game.

SO THEN: how do you get your players' characters to bond? By getting your players to bond. 

And how do you do that? Why, by imperiling them: putting their characters in jeopardy...if not mortal danger...such that it forces them to cooperate and rely on each other for aid and support. 

It's really that simple. The beauty of older edition games (which, I gather, you don't play) is that there is also a common objective (the attainment of treasure) which helps focus the players in the same direction. But with or without that, you ALWAYS have the objective of survival to fall back on...and this IS a game of fantasy adventure we're playing.  Adventures are dangerous; as Bilbo Baggins remarked, they're a nasty business that tend to make people late for supper. 

Will players continue to bicker and butt heads at times, both in and out of character? Yes, of course...because that is what people do, even cherished friends and loved ones. But they will form a strong bond if thrown into the fire together...an incredibly strong bond. And you, DM, are responsible for providing that flame. 

Sincerely, 

JB