This one's from last week; just a little too busy to wrap up my response till now...
Dear JB:
Ok forgive me this is my first post, I was recently in a game with a player I had been the DM for before, he was always a little off and had apparently left multiple Discord Servers because of problem DMs (im now starting to think he was the problem). So for Context we were in a battle and I had cast a spell that had a lingering damage effect and the DM had a magic book that had fallen open that had a Wild Magic effect that would go off every round. Well I forgot once about my lingering damage and brought it up (prob a bit later than I should have i admit) and the damage caused an enemy that had been put to sleep to wake up, which upset said problem player, then without thinking I also reminded the DM about his wild magic effect when he forgot (my mind was ooh maybe we will get one of the funny effects). Problem player proceeded to "whisper under his breath" I hate you. We ended up winning the battle.
A few days later I get a two paragraph message of problem player going off on me saying I was purposely trying to sabotage the party, and its the players job to call out the DM on things because all DMs cheat and try to kill the players because they get tired of their NPCs dying. I didnt know how to respond so I screen shotted the message to ask a friend of mine and he sent be a bunch of stuff that when I read it was what I was basically trying to say. I sent him that and he proceeded to tell me my friend was toxic for saying that the Players and DM should work together to make the game fun because all DMs are against the players, and its our jobs as players to be antagonistic towards the DM and call them out on everything. So I told everyone in the server we were in that I was leaving and why, and that apparently upset him even more.
Oh I had also mentioned to him I "Cheated" as he called it when I DM were I fudge the rolls occasionally so I dont kill the players because Id rather they live and have fun then a total party wipe, which upset him even more. Next thing I know hes on Roll20 posting on my LFG posts telling players they should not join or leave my game because I cheat. I Deleted his posts and blocked him on everything.
Player Believes All Games Are DM Vs Player
Dear PBAG:
All D&D games ARE "DM versus player." That's part of the gig.
Look: the player you're talking about sounds like a reactionary, paranoid asshole (though, to be fair, I'm only hearing your side of the story). But just because he's semi-delusional and a bit of a misanthrope doesn't mean he's not speaking some truth here.
For instance, if you "fudge" dice rolls as a DM, you ARE a cheater with no respect for the game you're playing...no ifs, ands, or buts about it. But we've all sinned at one time or another and you can certainly STOP doing that, and you can (in the future) be a fine and upstanding Dungeon Master who understands the disservice such cheating is.
But leave all that aside; let's talk about your actions as a player. Reminding the DM of a particular rule or effect that happens to benefit the opposition facing the players isn't "sabotaging" the party...rather, it's just you trying to win under the parameters of the game you're playing (some might call that "winning the right way").
If you're playing poker and the dealer accidentally gives you an extra card, the proper recourse is to say "um, you dealt me too many cards." Choosing to instead use the mistake to your advantage is a form of cheating. Calling attention to the misdeal isn't "sabotaging" yourself...it's saying, whoa, let's get this right, rather than have a hiccup call into question everything that comes after (like who wins the money in the pot, who gets forced from the table, how that affects future deals, etc.).
On the other hand, it's not unusual for a referee in a sporting event to "miss a call" here or there, and the prevailing attitude of most players is simply let's play on, regardless of whether or not the call went their way or not. In a fast-paced game (which can include D&D, especially during combat) mistakes occur on occasion...and yet, over the course of the match such errors USUALLY aren't the difference between victory and defeat. Usually.
That being said, D&D is very different from a football match. While the players could certainly be Team A on the pitch, the DM would be Team B and the referee and the league commissioner all at the same time...hardly a "fair" contest that! But that's the game, and that's the job, and the thing that helps make it "fair" is that the rules provides some explicit instruction about how to arbitrate the game in an impartial manner, and the game has systems in place that provide the means for DMs to gauge the scale of challenges in relation to the players' ability.
Plus: characters can always get raised or wished back to life.
So while the player you're complaining about was a little nutso to call your friend "toxic," I would still have called your friend woefully misguided if he truly believed that "the Players and DM should work together to make the game fun." No, this is inaccurate (or, more specifically, only accurate in the broadest sense of, sure, every human should be working to make the world a better place). No...that's not how D&D works.
Should players be "antagonistic" towards a DM and "call them out on everything?" No! Heavens, no! If the players are having to "call them out" that implies a deep mistrust of the DM's authority and capability...and D&D only functions when that trust exists!
I repeat (because it's important): D&D only functions when trust in a DM's authority and capability exists.
But the reason that trust is necessary for a functioning game is specifically because ALL D&D games are "DM versus Player." The DM is the opposition. The DM is the adversary. The DM is the provocateur and antagonist. The DM is the challenge. Each and every game of D&D pits the players against the DM...because the DM isn't just the league commissioner and referee, they are also the other team on the field.
Every game.
The crazy player that you blocked is correct in this regard. But, unfortunately, he appears to have no trust is DM's capabilities to DM in the manner they're supposed to (i.e. with fairness and impartiality). Why this is...who can say? Perhaps he's had DMs in the past that abused him, or that abused their authority; perhaps he has experienced abuse from other authority figures and now projects that distrust on all such individuals, including Dungeon Masters. Perhaps he's just played in too many "rigged" games with DMs inclined to "fudge" (cheat) in an arbitrary manner as they feel best befits the outcome they prefer, dice be damned.
Regardless, he seems to be suffering from some sort of PTSD, which is very sad. Sad because it is very hard to ever find contentment or joy when you lack trust. Distrust is a fast road to fear, and fear is a blockade, not just to action and creativity, but to feelings of security and satisfaction. Hopefully. the player in question has managed to compartmentalize his distrust, and only applies it in the gaming realm. Hopefully.
Now, back to you, PBAG. You wrote:
"So I told everyone in the server we were in that I was leaving and why, and that apparently upset him even more."
Huh? What?
You quit your game? Because a player expressed a belief that you tried to "sabotage" the party (false) and that your friend's everyone-works-together-for-fun attitude is "toxic" (also false)? You just detailed all this misanthropic behavior from a player that you clearly seem to disagree with, and then instead of standing up for you convictions you fold like a paper cup? What kind of lily-liver coward are you?
Seriously: why the hell are you even writing this letter? You just quit?
Jesus. Go play CandyCrush or something. You don't have the stomach for D&D.
Sincerely,
JB
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