I Am A Terrible DM...

It should be cardinal rule numero uno that DMs NOT be allowed to openly guffaw at the table...especially when you are energy draining the shit out of the player characters.

I am a terrible, terrible DM.

Tonight was the final night of our White Plume Mountain game. While the game was ostensibly a "win" for the PCs (three survivors made it out of the dungeon), this was only with a bit of "hand waving" on the part of the DM (at the players' request). The fact of the matter is the game was pretty much a TPK. All hand-waving aside, if we'd given the game another 30 minutes (perhaps even 15) everyone would have been toast; I don't think the players would deny that.

But we were over-time anyway, and I already blew my "fair-and-balanced" cred by laughing like a hyena at the players' misfortunes. It's just my damn brother...like many siblings, we have a semi-antagonistic relationship that goes back years, and we BOTH enjoy one-upping each other or making each other squirm (Lord knows, he needles me a lot). The expression on his face was priceless...actually, it wasn't the expression so much as I KNEW what he was thinking/feeling as his character was being taken down.

I couldn't help but laugh. Ugh! Bad DM!

So, letting the players exit without really fighting the "final encounter," let alone conducting a running battle with the vampire Ctenmiir was the very least I could do. Well, if I didn't want them to line up and punch me in the mouth.

As it was, they all want to come back next week (those who are able) and start the "new campaign," which (I hope) will be a fun one.

Hell, even my brother...the last thing he told me tonight was "thanks for being the DM," and that he had a fun time. And that was without any tea-bagging incidents. I'm glad he didn't take my laughter personal. I probably would have punched me in the face if the roles had been reversed. Fortunately, AB has a fairly good sense of humor...

More details later; I promise.

: )

Noble Knight Games Buys In

Noble Knight Games just deposited a fat wad of cash in my PayPal account in exchange for a box of books they can sell to their customers (probably in neatly bundled packages...one stop shopping!). Very cool indeed...new distribution for the B/X Companion.

Unfortunately, tomorrow's a holiday for the postmaster, so I don't think I'll be getting 'em mailed till Friday (the other folks who recently purchased books directly from me...yours went out in the mail already).

Must get bubble wrap....

Non-Gaming Post

Sorry...I'm hanging at the Baranof, eating a butterhorn, drinking coffee, and catching up on the blogs, and I just found a great new blog that has ZERO to do with RPGs:

Here it is.

Why do I bother mentioning it? Because I've added it to my blog roll, that's why! Sorry, folks...I know the "theme" here is table-top gaming, not grid iron action. I figured I should just mention the reason for the single, non-gaming blog on the blog roll. And that's 'cause I'M a Seahawks Diehard, too!

Thank you for your indulgence.

: )

And Now…Wave (P. 3)

[continued from here…I’ll wrap up and then discuss a bit about this final encounter]

Gustav and Borgnine were thoroughly dead and gone, and the others (with the exception of Bryan and Weas) weren’t out of “hot water” yet. Farnsworth and Sexy Kevin worth both protected from the heat of the water half-filling the 10’ by 10’ chamber in which they were trapped, but Allster did not and suffered a modicum of damage…though I did allow him to then cast resist fire upon himself (I suppose I could have been a hard-ass and said he was unable to “concentrate” while boiling alive, but what about all those prayerful martyrs of ancient times? I assumed his deity would give the cleric a break).

By the time the spells faded in potency, the heat of the water in which they stood had cooled to no more than a warm bath. However, there was enough water still pressed against the doors that the party members were unable to pull them open, freeing themselves.

[I had decided that it would take a combined strength of 45 to open the doors, and the trapped party members had just less than that]

Fortunately, Weasel was still “on the outside.” While the other party members stewed in their watery prison cell, the elf went back to the corridor he had initially fled. Although unable to push the doors by himself, he did have a scroll containing the spell knock. The magic of the scroll was enough to throw open the portal, unleashing a deluge of water that thoroughly soaked the elf’s fine doeskin boots.

Pounding at the second set of doors revealed the elf’s trapped companions behind it, and with Weasel’s help, the party was able to get the second set of doors open, more water emptying into the corridor.

Allster cast locate object, searching for Wave (or maybe even Blackrazor) beyond the 3rd set of doors, but nothing was found within range of the spell. Presuming the weapon had been destroyed (along with all the other treasure! Why had they let the Halfling carry everything?!), they turned dejectedly to leave the dungeon. They did not even attempt to open the third set of doors, knowing the boiling water being held back on the other side.

The party had gathered themselves and slogged as far back as the kelpie room, when they encountered the bobbing lantern of Bryan, gigantic Wave in his free hand. “Hey, guys! I’m still alive!” Thus reunited (the Halfling had run back to the dungeon as fast as his little legs would carry him), the group used the ring of water walking to traverse the kelpie pool and make their way out and down to Dead Gnoll’s Eye Socket, where they could rest and recuperate and recount their experiences.

[this is where we ended for the evening]

DM Notes:

If any Old School adventure called for the DM to put on his “referee hat,” White Plume Mountain is it. Descriptions for rooms like the frictionless chamber and the “boiling bubble” are extremely sparse: Schick tells you what’s in the room and how it acts, but after that there’s a lot of judgment calls on the part of the Dragon Master.

In this particular session, the metal doors are as described (the module states they are present to prevent a “bubble breakdown” from flooding the dungeon…kind of an airlock/failsafe mechanism), but no guidance is provided as to how this occurs. Will one set of doors suffice, while the others are their only for “back-up?” How fast does the water flood? How much damage will total immersion do?

The bubble itself is little better: the text states that a slash from an axe or sword will cause the thing to collapse in D6 rounds, though it doesn’t say what happens then. Presumably, being caught in the collapse results in instant death (i.e. “doing an Ali Baba”)…at least that’s how I interpret it based on the text regarding Wave’s ability to save the PCs. But aside from characters being scalded by a jet of water on a “miss” (that’s in the text) there’s no guidance for on-going rounds. Do jets of water continue to cook the party? I’d assume so…and don’t they end up standing in boiling water up to their armored greaves? What’s the on-going damage?

The resist fire spell is pretty clear that it prevents damage from heat and extreme temperature. The ring of fire resistance is pretty clear that it only prevents damage from fire (normal and magical). A kindly DM would probably have allowed the ring to prevent damage from the water, but I wanted to make sure ALL the characters were feeling a bit of danger. In the end, of course, it didn’t matter as Borgnine was drowned…but really the damage caused by the bursting bubble nearly saved him, as he was forced to retreat to the entrance of the chamber (and thus closer to the exit). Unfortunately, he was one of the few party members NOT wearing magical armor, and his movement rate just wasn’t enough to make it to the first set of doors.

There’s a lot of flooding and “water movement” in White Plume Mountain…including the inverted ziggurat…which can result in PCs being slammed and buffeted around the dungeon. However, the module gives no guidance as to what kind of damage or danger might result from this kind of water hazard. While this is cool for a DM…make something up instead of spending time searching for obscure “water buffet” rules…it does make me feel slightly guilty about my own rulings, especially when they result in character death.

Don't get me wrong: as I’ve written often enough, I’m all about killing PCs in a dungeon…that’s half the fun of running a D&D game as a DM (the other half is energy drain…). However, if I’m acting as an “impartial referee” and I make an arbitrary ruling on “how something works” and that ruling gets someone killed…well, it feels a bit like DM fiat and THAT’s a “death attack” for which there is no saving throw.

In the end, I just have to let things go I suppose. The game’s not a perfectly granulated model of reality, and I am not a perfect judge of how best to arbitrate abstract hazards. The players already complain when they get surprised by a pair of wights…and them’s in the rules!...I don’t think there’s a chance in hell I’d be able to satisfy them 100% with my arbitration.

Mainly, I simply strive to make rulings/decisions that make sense in light of the game at hand, while keeping the pacing steady. It doesn’t serve any purpose to strive for “fairness,” as what is fair is pretty much in the eye of the beholder. But I CAN attempt to be consistent, and use the rules already provided in the game. Hopefully, that will be enough to keep me from getting lynched by my players.

Regarding the players: how is it the Halfling ends up with all the loot AND both magic weapons? After all, this IS B/X…we are talking a standard Halfling warrior, not a Halfling Thief. I don’t get it…apparently his beneficent demeanor is above reproach. Pretty crazy though that they keep sending him into dangerous situations (with no thief present, the party wanted to task him with opening the chest and pawing through the loot, or diving underwater looking for Kelpie lairs). Matt has been fairly good about point-blank refusing crazy requests (like going down the lava chute), but I find it all fascinating: does the Halfling seem like the most expendable party member? Or does he seem like the most indestructible party member? And regardless, why are you letting him carry ALL the loot? What happens if he gets disintegrated or something?! Sheesh!

All right, that’s enough blather for one morning. Thursday looks to be Josh’s last week with us due to upcoming parental responsibilities, and Matthew (“Cod Sandwich”) is going to be taking a couple-three weeks off for the holidays starting this week. Just as well, I guess, that both their characters bit the dust. However, I have a bunch of time off myself this week (starting tomorrow!), so I want to be prepped and ready for our game Thursday…hopefully, we’ll be able to finish White Plume Mountain...one way or another.

; )

And Now…Wave (P. 2)

[continued from here]

As the party gaped around the immense, rubbery “bubble chamber” in which they stood, a huge form scuttled out of the darkness, moving swiftly on multiple legs that belied its lumbering form: the largest giant crab any of them had ever seen! Towering over them, its giant claws snapped and bashed, knocking Weasleteats ass-over-tea-kettle while scattering the other party members hither and yon.

Farnsworth, Gustav, and Borgnine were quick to react, hoping fresh Dungeness would be added to their otherwise dry rations and attacked with flashing blades and chopping axes. Weasle, perhaps a bit too true to his namesake, decided discretion was the better part of valor and cast a veil of invisibility about himself while pulling himself from the floor. Meanwhile, Brian and Kevin wondered what tactics to take and Allster changed the sticks stuffed in his belt to more than a dozen squirming snakes!

The warriors blades missed their mark more than once, bouncing off thick crab armor or being deflect by the thing’s waving arms. Each strike that missed scored the rubbery “flesh” of the chamber, opening gaping wounds that let through streams of scalding water, cooking the party members to varying degrees! General chaos ensued as the party found the chamber begin to collapse like a perforated soufflé.

The following occurred over the next several rounds:

Farnsworth was determined to go toe-to-toe with the giant crab, yelling at the others to look for treasure, while telling the monster he intended to eat it with melted butter.

Gustav, scored the most telling blows on the crab, capturing its attention, and getting the crap beat out of him. Using his warhammer he found the lack of edge was good for NOT puncturing the skin of the chamber, but he eventually dropped this in favor of his magic sword (once he realized the chamber was already collapsing).

Borgnine took a couple strokes at the crab, opening a monstrous gash or two in the wall of the “bubble,” before deciding to retreat to the chamber’s entrance. From there he could shoot the thing in relative safety with his magic-primed crossbow.

Sexy Kevin cast striking on Farnsworth, then resist fire on Farnsworth, then resist fire on himself, finding the latter spells were useful at mitigating scalding damage. As Gustav’s hit points quickly dwindled to single digits, the cleric ran forward to heal the fighter, allowing Gustav continue pressing the attack.

Weasleteats cast fly on himself and decided to escape back down the corridor, still invisible. He did stop at the metal doors…but not for long.

Allster commanded his snakes into battle which, being non-poisonous, turned out to be a fairly futile gesture [I probably should have ruled the scalding water “steamed them” to death, but they did little damage to the crab]. The cleric then made his way deeper into the chamber, where he found a large, heavy chest…and yelled for the others to come help him!

Bryan had retreated to the entrance of the chamber, attempting to pepper the crab with arrows (most of these sailed wide, puncturing the skin of the chamber). Upon hearing Allster’s yells of “Treasure! Treasure!” he forgot all about his friends and ran across the room to help scour the chest.

All the while, the chamber continued to collapse. As time wore on, boiling water did damage to the party member, hit points were tracked, and the crab refused to die. Allster decided his Lawful deity would forgive him an act of desperation and cast finger of death at the giant monster…which the creature barely saved. Meanwhile Bryan had opened the chest (it was unlocked) and seeing a gleaming trident atop a number of small bags…WAVE!...immediately ignored the magic weapon in favor of the treasure beneath it.

“What are you doing?! Grab Wave!” yelled Allster.

“YOU grab Wave! I’m scooping all the bagged loot into my bag of holding!” retorted the Halfling.

From the first round, when the first wild strokes opened gashes in the chamber, the party had a total of 5 rounds to escape prior to complete collapse. The five rounds were randomly determined by the roll of a D6; I could have as easily rolled a “1” or “2.” Towards the end of the collapse, the boiling water entering the chamber started doing some real damage to PCs not protected by fire resistance magic…the party knew that complete collapse was imminent and escape imperative.

The party killed the crab at the end of the fourth round following the beginning of the collapse.

Round five: DM asks “What are you all doing.”

Farnsworth: I’m running like hell.

Borgnine: I’m running like hell.

Sexy Kevin: I’m running like hell.

Allster: (was already) running like hell.

Gustav: I’m running like hell, but I’m going to stop to retrieve my warhammer first.

Weasleteats had already flew back to the Kelpies’ chamber when he saw the boiling wall of water coming down the corridor.

Bryan the Halfling: (perhaps knowing he’d never make it, being on the far side of the collapsing chamber) I’ll grab Wave!

DM: What’s your alignment? Brian: Neutral.

DM: Wave speaks in a booming voice: “Ho, Mortal! I am Wave, beloved of Poseidon! If you bow down and worship the Sea God, it is within my power to save you!”

Brian: Um, yeah, Posiedon is good…I’ve always been a big fan. Never have hurt a fish…um, except for some crabs…

Wave: “Ho! Good enough mortal! If you will spread the Good Word of the Sea King, we shall leave this place you and I!”

Gustav: Um…does he have the power to save your friends?

The steel doors…long down the corridor without the chamber…had been designed to close and hold against any such catastrophic collapse, preventing the dungeon from being flooded with the boiling water of the core. I had the player check to see if each dagger held in place (a 5-6 on a D6…the same chance as a person would have forcing a door open), and all three failed.

I then checked each character’s running movement (in feet per round) plus they’re relative placement (based on their final round location) to see how far they could actually “escape” before being overtaken by their watery doom. Weasel, of course, had no problem flying away. Allster, Farnsworth, and Kevin made it as far as the second doors before finding themselves trapped and locked. Borgnine and Gustav (who had stopped to picked up his hammer) didn’t quite make it to the first set; Gustav was cooked alive, while Borgnine’s ring of fire resistance could not prevent the dwarf’s drowning…their bodies floated back and down into the volcano’s still molten core.

And Bryan the Halfling? Wave created a bubble of cool protective air around him, completely shielding him from harm. As the chamber collapsed, he was cast down, down, down with the flood of water, until the water contacted the mountain’s fiery innards, changing to super-heated steam and blasting him up the shaft of the cinder cone. High above the world, he surveyed the countryside from a birds’ eye view, before tumbling and bouncing down the side of the mountain, perfectly protected, and finally coming to rest at the base of White Plume Mountain.

The lucky little guy.
; )

And Now…Wave (P. 1)

In talking about last Thursday’s Baranof game (the continuation of our exploration of S2: White Plume Mountain), let me just say a couple things up front:

1) Although the party didn’t explore all that many encounter areas this session, it still felt like a “full session.” Part of this has to do with the Wave encounter, one of the trickier ones in the module.

2) Because of the nature of this semi-climactic encounter, I’ll be discussing quite a bit of the “behind-the-scenes” DM stuff in this session report.


When last we left our heroes Sweet Tito had been killed for the 3rd time, drowned in the loving embrace of a plant-like kelpie. Farnsworth had been pulled from the water by the heroic halfling, Bryan, after Heron’s new elf character, Weaselteats, had blown big holes in the kelpies using the ubiquitous magic missile spell.

That’s where we decided we’d left off anyway. My lack of note-taking from the previous session meant a collective “jogging of the noggins” was necessary to get the party started. I hadn’t even remembered what happened to Blackrazor (answer: nothing. Left un-discussed at the end of the prior session, it was decided that the necromantic blade was still in the halfling’s BAG of holding).

We started the session by making a new character for Randy. Randy was, frankly, a bit tired of carrying a character that continued to die. “What should I make?” We need another cleric, was the group consensus. Randy than proceeded to roll up a fantastic set of stats including a Wisdom of 16, Strength/Dex/Con of 13+, and a Charisma of 6. Thus was “Sexy Kevin” born, replacing Sweet Tito.

It was decided that Sexy Kevin had been with the party “all along” since this latest foray into the mountain, having been hired at the same time as Weasleteats and Sly Junior, the latter of whom was nowhere to be found.

[Vince wasn’t present on this particular Thursday, and it was decided his character had “slipped off” somewhere…taking his much coveted gauntlets of ogre power with him]

Here’s how the week’s session went down:

Farnsworth was pulled, sputtering, from the water and retrieved his sword Blarthislarv from the ledge where he’d dropped it. The party looked at the dimly glowing light (Tito’s dagger) submerged in the depths and decided to let the elf’s remains rest in Davy Jones’ locker.

Well…MOST of the party was on-board with leaving drowned dogs lie…Farnsworth was steamed that they weren’t trying to make some effort to recover Tito’s loot, specifically his magic items and equipment. In the end, no one was going to back the fighter’s move to launch a salvage operation, and Farn wasn’t interested in diving for elf loot solo (especially with one kelpie still at large). Thus settled, the party decided to move on.

The reamining kelpie did NOT make an appearance, and the party was able to explore the chamber, mainly utilyzing the water walking halfling with a borrowed lantern (his own was a little wet from diving for Farnsworth). Tito’s 8’ pole was retrieved from where it bobbed on the water’s surface, and Allster broke it into many small pieces…these he divided between himself and Sexy Kevin, “just in case we need some sticks.” A stairway on the opposite side of the chamber had a set of stairs leading upwards to a dry corridor, while the only other door in the room led to…an empty room. The party searched this “decoy room” for a half dozen turns (finding nothing) before deciding to move onwards and upwards. So far, a fairly uneventful game session.

This would change soon enough.

Up out of the water they found themselves in a stone corridor; an oaken door of familiar style led to the party’s right, but after knocking it open and seeing only another corridor leading into darkness, they decided to stick with the corridor the road they were already on.

The corridor they were on ended in a door of a completely different sort: double, solid metal, flanged to over-lap itself and hinged to open only outward, away from the party members. After diligently checking said doors for possible traps, enchantments, and weirdness, it was pushed open…smoothly opening on well-oiled hinges. Beyond the doors, the corridor extended another 10’ ending in a similar set of vault-like doors.

Uh-oh.

The first set of doors were checked to make sure they could still be opened from the opposite side? Yes…in fact, they had large handles on the opposite side to ensure they could be pulled open. The party still didn’t trust this…they wedged one door open with a dagger, tied a rope around Borgnine, and had the dwarf investigate the second set of metal doors while the remainder of the party waited outside the first set.

The second pair of doors seemed exact duplicates of the first set in all regards, including…duh-du-du-DUH!...a third set of metal doors beyond them!

Now thoroughly spooked, one door from the second set was again wedged with a dagger beneath the jamb, and after Borgnine had again checked surreptitiously for traps (I’m probably using that term wrong), Gustav and Farnsworth pushed open the third set of doors, revealing…

…a corridor leading into darkness.

Oh, boy. One of the doors from the third set was “spiked open” with a spare dagger, and despite the sheer bulk of the door seemed to be holding relatively steady. The party did a quick ball check and decided they’d man up and continue past the strange (and disconcerting) portals.

Borgnine by now had assumed a “front row” position, checking for traps the entire length of the corridor, followed by Gustav and Farnsworth (swords in hand), followed by Weasleteats and Sexy Kevin (each carrying a long spear…they’d learned a valuable lesson about pole arms from the bugbear patrol). Last came Allster and Bryan…the latter with his bow primed and ready.

With the dwarf’s eyes on the floor, the fighters in front were the first to notice there was something odd about the corridor. At first it appeared the light from their torches seemed to be glimmering from a sheen on the wall, but as they progressed they could see that the sheen seemed to be some sort of pale, semi-opaque material lining the walls and ceiling, eventually becoming the corridor itself: a fleshy, skein-like substance stretched in a semi-circular tunnel, periodically creased and ribbed along its length. Weasle pressed his hand against the wall, finding it soft and pliable, like thin cured leather…and uncomfortably warm to the touch. Remembering that they were inside a semi-active volcano, the party quickly discarded an initial idea to “poke the wall with a knife and see what happens.”

[Allster decided to bless the entire party around this time]

And yet, they ventured on, the corridor widening into a large, dome-shaped chamber. Consulting their notes of Keraptis’s riddle (“beware the beast of the boiling bubble”) they figured they must be close to one of the final two magic weapons…probably the hammer, Whelm!

“Um…do we see a beast anywhere?” They asked. Roll for surprise, says I.

The roll came up a “1” …as usual.

Phoning It In

Sunday I watched the Seattle Seahawks turn in their 2nd worst home game loss in team history. In a stadium that has proven itself to have a decided home field advantage over the years. Against a team (and a QB) that has, historically, been not especially effective when playing in Seattle. And the ONLY reason the score wasn’t worse was because the Giants took mercy on us. If they’d wanted, the score could have tacked on another 21 points…easy.

We couldn’t force a single punt all game.

It was ugly. It was worse than the 33-3 beating we took in Oakland over Halloween…and this was at home! And after carefully considering what I saw from the stands, I can only come to the following conclusion: the Seahawks phoned it in. They wrote this game off, subconsciously at least, that it didn’t matter, that they didn’t have to play, that they would take a loss and move on to the next week, a division game against a Cardinals team that is still a game back from us.

That’s pretty despicable.

I can understand resting certain players nursing “iffy” injuries in hopes they will be able to return to peak performance in time for a “must-win” situation in Arizona…that’s not a terrible strategy. But to not even TRY to win, to not even give 100% in preparation, to basically CONCEDE before the game even begins...THAT is a disservice to the team and its fans. Fans who paid good money and time to come out and watch a team not even compete.

I don’t care that the Giants are fantastic (they are). I don’t care that you’re going with 2nd and 3rd string players (we were). A home game should not see the visiting team go up 41 to 0 before the 4th quarter. And no head coach should give such a “no worries, we’re looking to next week’s game” press conference after such an embarrassing, unacceptable loss.

You don’t get paid to phone in games. You don’t make millions of dollars to give up before you take the field.

I’ll be writing about Thursday’s White Plume Mountain game later today (maybe tomorrow), and even though I don’t always anticipate a good game (especially if I’m exceptionally tired from the work week), I STILL put in the prep-work for the game…I still show up and I try to put in a solid game for my players. They are MY “audience” …and you don’t waste players’ time like that.

Why not? It’s just a game, right? Sure, sure…we’re not saving the world, this is just entertainment. But my players are CHOOSING to show up to my game. They have families…wives and kids and, yes, pets…that they could be spending time with, instead of sitting around a dive bar on a work night. They could be watching Must See TV…hell, they could be getting an extra hour or two of sleep!...they don’t have to show up. I’M the one that wanted to run a B/X D&D game…who’s to say they wouldn’t prefer to play Pathfinder or 4th Edition or Role Master or Call of Duty 4?

It’s all well and good to say, “hey…this is the game I’m going to run, period.” If no one shows up, there is no game. Just mental masturbation on my part.

Running a good game is on me. I don’t get to “phone it in.” If I’m not “up to snuff,” I need to let my players know the game is cancelled for the night…that they’ll need to find another means of entertaining themselves, ‘cause I don’t deserve to waste their time. If I don’t show up “ready to go,” I don’t deserve to play my game. I’m not ALLOWED to waste their time. These aren’t kids with nothing better to do…these are real people with real lives. Yes, I am providing them with a service by running the game…but it’s a service I want to provide. I get “paid” by the satisfaction of getting to live (for a couple short hours) in a fantasy game world of my own creation. And maybe there’s something in me that likes to bask in the focused attention of my players, too…but I better make it worth their while. I better give them a product WORTHY of their attention. So that they’re not driving out to Greenwood, and putting up with crappy over-priced beer, and saying, “man, what a waste of time and money.”

I’ll tell you this: that’s what I was thinking on the drive home from Sunday’s game. Fortunately, traffic was light (most folks left at half time when the score was 35-0) so I wasn’t in traffic all that long. But if my players, my “customers” (I won’t call ‘em “fans”) go home from one of MY games feeling like I just stole three hours of their life for zero value…well, I hope they’ll find a better game master that’s actually worthy of their time and attention. Because they’re pretty cool guys and pretty good players. They deserve a good game.