"Dear JB" Mailbag #45

Hey JB!

My kids (and a few friends) are starting a D&D session tonight. They’ve already made their character sheets. I’ve watched Critical Role, but I know a real 9–12 year old game is going to be way different.

I’m not the DM, but I’ll be in the room helping to moderate and keep things under control. The kids get super excited, and it’s a mixed group of boys and girls.

I’m looking for tips on:

• Keeping the energy from getting too wild
• Making sure everyone gets a turn and stays engaged
• Helping the DM without stepping on the story
• Any tricks for handling the chaos that comes with kids this age

Basically, I want the session to be fun, smooth, and memorable for everyone without me having to run the game. 

Thanks for any advice!

Mom, Looking For Advice For My Kid's DnD

Hey, Mom:

I run an AD&D game for my kids and their friends. I love D&D; I've been running D&D games for 40+ years. As a parent, a coach of youth sports, and an experienced DM, I have a pretty good handle on the nuance of the job, and the kids have a good time. They ask me to run the game for them. And I'm happy to oblige.

It sounds like you don't know much about D&D. You've watched Critical Role (um...NOT D&D). You're not planning on acting as DM and don't want to run the game. Given this, here is the best advice I can give you:

Leave the room. Shut the door. Let the kids play.

I got my first D&D set around the age of 9 and was DMing for myself and my friends by age 10. There were no parents; there was no adult supervision. We were Just Fine.

Was there "wild energy?" Yes. Was there "chaos?" Yes. Was it a "mixed group of boys and girls?" Yes.

Were we doing bong rips and swilling six-packs and sticking each other with sharp objects and getting each other pregnant and such? No. Were we worshipping Satan? No. Torturing small animals? Maybe...if you count my younger brother who insisted on playing. But he tortured us, too.

Look, I understand the helicopter parent thing. I'm the father of two. But I know D&D and you, ma'am, do not. Let me put it this way: when you were a kid, hanging out in the basement with your friends playing a board game, did you need a parent to moderate your play? To make sure you were all "engaged" and "taking turns?" At the age of 11 or 12? 

Because, if so, you had a really dysfunctional childhood. 

If your kids are OLD ENOUGH TO READ and UNDERSTAND the instructions, then they are old enough to play the game WITHOUT YOU. So let them play. You're not interested in playing...that's fine. I wouldn't have wanted my parents to play when I was a kid. My kids are different...but that's because I taught them how to play (at their request). 

Here's what's going to happen, Mom, while you're not in the room:

• The kids are going to be rowdy (because that's how kids are).
• The kids are going to police themselves with their own "kid social/group dynamic" (because that's what kids do)
• If they aren't having fun with the game, they'll stop trying to play after 20-40 minutes and they'll do something else...chase each other, shoot each other with Nerf guns, play a different, less complicated board game, go outside, etc.
• If they ARE having fun they'll sit around playing for a couple hours (maybe) before they get bored and decide to do something else...chase each other, shoot each other with Nerf guns, play a different, less complicated board game, go outside, etc.
• If you offer them snacks, they will eat them like non-conscious zombies. If you offer them real food they will tell you they're not hungry until you make them come to the table (at which point they'll eat like ravenous wolves).

If you want to do a good job, keep them hydrated.

But that's it...that's really all you need to do. If anyone starts bleeding, they'll come looking for you (as kids do). If anyone starts screaming in pain and distress, you'll hear it and can come a-running (as mom's do). This is no different from any other kid activity...and it's a lot less dangerous than most. I mean, a LOT less dangerous...kids can fall down and sprain their wrist or break their collar bone just playing in the backyard. As long as your children are smart enough not to stuff dice in their various orifices, they should be safe as can be.

So what's the issue, Mom? Your kids are the cruel, bullying type? Or their friends are? They've all decided to "nerd out" together playing D&D...how bad are you afraid they'll treat each other?

Let it go, Mom. Breathe deep breaths. Check your email. Read a book. Have a big ol' glass of wine while chopping some fresh veg and/or fruit to feed the youngsters some healthy snacks. Take a chill pill.

The kids are all right.

Sincerely,

JB